CHEF: We've got a snazzy new room with two whole benches—
It's practic'ly rodent-free.
We've got expensive perfume for all our stenches,
As swellegant as can be.
And with these pointy new shoes to walk through mud in,
And fancy silk squares to cough up blood in—
Baby, let's face it!
This is as good as it gets!
GWYNNE: We've got the classier type of bedbug species
Between our new burlap sheets.
CHEF: We've got a custom-made pipe that dumps our feces on one of the nicer streets.
GWYNNE: And when there's something amiss inside our breeches—
CHEF: Our barber applies his fattest leeches—
GWYNNE: Why not embrace it!
CHEF/GWYNNE: This is as good as it gets!
CHEF: We're part of the upper lower class now.
GWYNNE: Sickly, yet, oh, so chic.
CHEF: Our glass is half full!
GWYNNE: We own a glass now!
CHEF: We bathe once a week!
GWYNNE: Well, bathe, so to speak.
CHEF/GWYNNE: And as our station in life keeps growing stronger,
We're growing in more ways, too!
GWYNNE: I think my tapeworm is like a whole foot longer.
CHEF: By now I might have a few.
CHEF/GWYNNE: And though our breath and our teeth may still be rotten,
Together just look how far we've gotten!
CHEF: Baby, we made it!
GWYNNE: Totally slayed it!
CHEF/GWYNNE: Why would we trade it—
This is as good as it gets!

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