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I invented the wheel
When I was only seven
I had dinner with god
When I popped into heaven
When I was just eleven
I've sailed right round the world
In just a tiny dinghy
I'm best mates with bill gates
I made his computer thingy
And I can lift a Mini
Yes I can lift a mini
Cos I'm a liar
Can fly, so high
Invented crisp and dry
I am in charge when the red arrows fly by
I'm a liar
I've seen, The Queen
Reading Nuts magazine
She used to buy it but she now gets it
For free
I can eat a packet of crisps
Whilst on a unicycle
I was friends with the Hoff
When people called him Michael
It was my idea
To do X Factor
Not that Simon Cowell
Cos I'm a liar
You dig, I'm big
I'm actually the stig
Was brought up by a pig just outside of Leeds
I'm a liar
I dance, I cook
Wrote Harry Potter books
But let that lady say she did cos she
Was nice
Cos I'm a liar
I'm a liar
Sliced bread, invented sliced bread
I did it with Joe Pesci sitting in a
Garden shed
Can climb a mountain
Came up with wheelie bins
And on the Starship Enterprise
I am the captain
Hob Nobs, invented Hob Nobs
Whilst having lunch with Noddy Holder
Eating meat cobs
Daytime TV
Is all made by me
I come up with all the ideas
Whist eating my tea
I'm a liar/ I'm a liar