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Thought cycle gusty a mind filled with hot air
Must I care for nothing more than myself?
Do I dare admit the fraught thoughts cavorting?
Resorting in inner-directed mourning for the part of me that Was selfless but left without a warning
Well thatâs what I said, but maybe itâs the fact that I detest this Obsession with myself that leaves a mess inside my head
Oh shit, Iâm doing it again, repelling any potential friend, Revealing my innate ability to never fully comprehend Anything bigger than myself, but in the end I still pretend. Condescending anyone polite enough to choose to misspend Their time watching me as I achieve my secret social mission
To drain people with my boring stories and opinions
To see the bigger picture takes intelligence and wisdom
But I wonât see nothing but just myself in my vision
I go outside, a blitz of faces unwilling to confess to any Empathy, endlessly incessantly declining any pleasantries. Heavily breathing, socially teething
Iâm open like a vivisection
Intense tendency to dwell, seething over missed connections. Infected by my perceptions that Iâm a non-entity
Project my insecurity until intensity is weaponry
Grieving a heavenly fiction I perceived while I was dreaming. Awake!
Freezing, wheezing, fundamentally Iâm still believing that
This is an elegy for concepts I conceived in deep sleep
And I helplessly watch them fade while I awake
I try and keep them alive
Incomparable with life but eventually they die
And the brain I used to cultivate reveals my lovers were a lie
When inside my mind I find a way to replicate reality
Through lucid dreaming I decimate the limitations of actuality. Capacity practically eternal, mortality external, no God
But I investigate the blasphemous worship of the nocturnal. Internally existing without morality creates profanities
Without the travesty and compared to the apathy of realness
I reveal my own insanity
The majesty of fantasy protects me from tragedy
Normality's effects traject agony of rationality
Which thankfully penetrates with no avail to my unreality
An elaborately designed privately owned spiral galaxy. Financially Iâm failing, naturally decaying
Soon Iâll have no place safe to sleep
These bills still need paying
Displaying cravings with open eyes for something mind-expanding
For whenI drift away I see the totality of understanding