All rise and come to order
Bailiff start the video recorder
You've been sworn, what's your complaint?
Speak up, son, don't hesitate
He presided in his courtroom so long ago
He was hanging cowboys for stealing buffalo
Court is adjourned for his honor's feeling ill
The shaking old relic needs a glycerin pill
Hang up your rope 'cause you're looking tired
If it was up to me, they'd all be fired
Day after day convicting all those liars
This ain't TV jail, it's TV hell
Believe it or not, those walking blood clots
Make enough money for a thousand foot yacht
Who in Hollywood did they every acquit?
Just senile, judicial idiots as the drama unfolds
And the law he upholds if you look real close
You could see him growing mold
Small claims messiah is only a pariah to be ridiculed
Objection overruled
All rise as he takes the bench
To hear his old voice make my gut wrench
Silence to those who are in his court
I'm found guilty by his report
No washed up judge can say to me
The shit he throws around when he's on TV
What can he fucking do? Throw me in jail?
I'd slap out his dentures, post them for bail
Hang up your robe 'cause you're looking tired
If it was up to me, they'd all be fired
Day after day convicting all those liars
This ain't TV jail, it's TV hell
You lose the case
To a bigger bullshit they you today
When it comes to the end
You tell all of TV land what you've got to say
When you're dead and gone
Will they get another fossil to carry on?
They must go to school
To hand pick these old fools
I say to you, objection overruled
It's all Perry Mason's fault, cat strangling

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