My father was a monster of a man
Self proclaimed king, built his throne on his children's sorrows
And there were many
Seems like we were always crying back then
Always wishing that our father had left us, like all our friends fathers did
Then maybe we wouldnt have all these scars, all these wopes, bruises
My father was a big flared nostrils kind of man
Taught me everything i know from how to ride a bike to how to keep myself warm with my own anger
He taught us anger and let us figure out love on our own
Kept us locked up like china dolls
The sun burned our eyes when we finally broke free, seeds planted in darkness never grew quite right
And I'm a wilted flower with social anxiety
And notebooks filled with conversations I've never had
I blame my dad
Grandma told us to pray for him
Ask god to look on his heart and change him
By the time i was five i stopped believing people can change
By ten i stopped believing in god all together
My father beat the poet out of me
I built my entire story around hating him
After the first stroke when my monster of a manly weak
And docile on the hospital bed
Tears streaming down his face in 18 years i never seen him cry before
and I couldn't feel bad for him
He was the causer of tears
After the second stroke i stood at the door with my arms crossed
Sterile white and is threatening to choke me
He hobbled around the house scattered brained
Calling his daughters by his sisters name
The hands he used to hit us with gone numb his last words to me were
Jasmine you know I'm proud of you right?
I didnt and by then we've grown too far apart for me to care about his opinion
I felt nothing at his pride my father died
Who told you, you could leave me! I still had things to write about
There was the part where i proved you wrong
Where i finally cussed you out . and didn't let you see your grandkids
You werent supposed to go yet. who am i supposed to be without my enemy
You always wanted to talk now say something
Teach me how to mourn you through all this anger
You've been gone for months but I've been festering in this for years
stop looking at me with your eyes glazed over mouth shut sewn from the inside
Arms across your chest protecting me from your heart

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