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On Preston Platform
Do your soft shoe shuffle dance
Brush away the cigarette ash
That's falling down your pants
And then you sadly wonder
Does the nurse treat your old man
The way she should?
She made you tea
Asked for your autograph
What a laugh
As I did walk by Hampstead Fair
I came upon Mother Goose
So I turned her loose
She was screaming
And a foreign student said to me
Was it really true
There were elephants and lions too
In Picadilly Circus?
Walked down by the bathing pond
To try and catch some sun
Saw at least a hundred schoolgirls
Sobbing into handkerchiefs as one
I don't believe they knew
I was a schoolboy
And a bearded lady said to me
If you start your raving
And your misbehaving
You'll be sorry
Then the chicken-fancier came to play
With his long red beard
And his sister's weird
She drives a lorry
Laughed down by the putting green
I popped 'em in their holes
Four and twenty labourers were labouring
Digging up their gold
i don't believe they knew
That I was Long John Silver
Saw Johnny Scarecrow make his rounds
In his jet-black mac
Which he won't give back
Stole it from a snowman
As I did walk by Hampstead Fair
I came upon Mother Goose
So I turned her loose
She was screaming
Walked down by the bathing pond
To try and catch some sun
Must've been at least a hundred schoolgirls
Sobbing into handkerchiefs as one
I don't believe they knew
I was a schoolboy