BLANK PAPER
Hey, little guy! Why so blue?
Well, Blank Paper,
I'm trying to write a musical in two and a half weeks and I'm a little stuck.
BLANK PAPER
Well, mother fucker,
why don't I give you a crash coarse on how to go from a piece of blank paper to a full-tilt,
boogie, original musical.
*Gasp* Wow! An original musical!
BLANK PAPER
That's right cracker.
Now there aren't many of us around and it's a long journey, so let's get started.
Did you just call me a cracker? Are you being black?
BLANK PAPER
Mother fucker, I can be anything you want me to be, that's the point.
Oh, so you're saying that I want you to be black?
BLANK PAPER
Shut your face.
I'm an original musical
Original musical
Those other shows can step to the rear
If you lend me your ear
I'm gonna ease all your fear
And tell you all you need is what's right up here
JEFF/ BLANK PAPER
I can't decide if you're trying to be Ben Vereen or/ Shh-conk, shh-conk, shh-conk
Randy Newman./ Pah, Pah, Pa
BLANK PAPER
Shut up. You see, a lot of times musicals are based on books like the Scarlet Pimpernel or Lestat.
And other times they're based on plays like Picnic, which became Hot September.
But, more recently, musicals have been based on movies like My Favorite Year,
Footloose, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Big, Saturday Night Fever, the Wedding Singer,
the Full Monty, the Producers' (inhales) Thoroughly Modern Millie,
Hairspray, Beauty and the Beast, Billy Elliot, Spamalot.
Wow! So movies make good musicals
BLANK PAPER
Well, they make musicals.
Uh, well, I'm trying to write a musical about two guys writing a musical
about two guys writing a musical.
BLANK PAPER
Ooo! that sounds like some crazy shit, bitch.
But it's original and I like that. Sing with me!
An original musical
Original musical
Like Kwamina
BLANK PAPER
And Starlight Express
My show could be a success
BLANK PAPER
And not a big mess
Like Chess
And I'll make Broadway my eternal address
BLANK PAPER
Oh! Easy, Mother Fucker. Broadway?
Let's start with off or off-off and then you can think about the Great White Way.
But, why can't I dream big?
BLANK PAPER
Well, if it was a jukebox musical, a revival, or a recognizable commodity,
I'd say dream away, bee-otch. But, original?
On Broadway? Baby, that is risky! Unless you got some stars in mind.
Well, we'd love to have Alice Ripley, she's fierce. Hey!
That's the first time I've ever said the word fierce. That's the second!
BLANK PAPER
Player, I mean TV stars, pop stars, movie stars like Tony Braxton and Jenna Elfman.
But, I want our show to be good!
BLANK PAPER
You want your ass to make some money!
But I believe that a good product with talented people is the way to go!
Hiring some talent-free celebrity just lowers the
bar and I think audiences deserve better!
BLANK PAPER
Wee-waw, wee-waw, waw, waaaww shit.
Audiences want to see Paris Hilton in the Apple Tree.
Who wants to see Paris Hilton in the Apple Tree?
BLANK PAPER
I don't know, a lot of people. Fuck, your ass is crazy Mother Fucker.
But, I fucking like you and you may just be fucking
crazy enough to fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck succeed, fucking, fucking, Mother Fucker.
Ow-o-ow! What's with all the foul language?
Is that appropriate or even necessary?
BLANK PAPER
I'm blank paper, your blank paper, make me say something else.
I'll say whatever you want me to,
just put your pen to the paper and write.
Okay! I will! I will! I'll write!
BLANK PAPER
Now we're talking!
Write that original musical
Original musical
Original in every way
BLANK PAPER
It won't be based on a play
Or a movie
BLANK PAPER
I pray
That Jesus Christ will help you get to Broadway
And you can thank him in you bio someday
Wow. People thank Jesus in their bio?
BLANK PAPER
People thank their agents, their cats, and Jesus Christ.
Even though they might be Mormon and gay
So some Mormons are gay?
BLANK PAPER
Sure! Didn't you ever see the national tour of 1776?
Oh, yeah!
Aha-ha!

SOUMETTRE LES CORRECTIONS