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I pulled up to the bar at the Cambie Hotel in Nanaimo
There were meatheads mouthing off on the street, they were pissed up and fist-fighting
There were Harleys parked outside and a bumper stickered pick-up truck that read:
Ass, grass or gas: no-one rides for free.
And I thought to myself, this could turn out to be one hell of a night
I better leave my car engine running and tie my shoes up real tight
But this one guy inside the joint caught my eye, he was kinda skinny and scrubby-looking,
He was laughing and clapping along in time
And when I was done singing, he came up to me and I swear to you that itâs true
He said, I drive a tugboat for a living, Iâm pulling all the big ships through
I work the Georgia Straight everyday but weâre a pod of peas, me and you
And then he said and winked, Iâm not as straight as you might think
Chorus:
Iâm a cross-dressing, tug-boating, roughneck from Nanaimo
I work the high seas in high heels, Iâm a tough guy in disguise
Oh, they call me Captain Cupcake, I come from Vancouver Isle-oh
And I hang out down at the Cambie Hotel
I thought that I misheard this guy so I said, what did you just say
Then the trans-rock-surf-punk band plugged in and began to play
And my curious new friend checked out the lead singer of the band and elbowed me saying,
Man, I look better in a miniskirt than that guy does any-day
Anyways, Kate, you may be wondering to yourself just how does a guy like me
Get a job driving a tugboat, when Iâm kind of a dude-looks-like-a-lady
Well I grew up hauling payloads big and small, Iâm as good as any man
I know these seas like the back of my manicured hand
Chorus:
One night, he said I went down to the Cambie for a beer
I couldnât believe my eyes as I walked inside, oh, I was utterly hypnotized
See there was this stunning waitress running the bar, she was dressed to the nines
She was mesmerizing, she could launch a thousands ships of mine anytime
Meanwhile, the boys from the boats sat up at the bar and they smoked and joked
And drank whiskey and poked fun at me and my femmie garb
Well, youâve got style Cupcake, but make no mistake, they laughed,
Sheâs way out of your league
Youâre an odd catch and youâre no match for a classy broad like that
So Cupcake sat alone with his beer at a booth in a dark corner of the room
And sheâd work the floor of that run-down saloon, night after night, like it was some high-fashion runway
Sheâs captivating and Iâm capsizing, head over my five-inch stilettos, he thought
Little does this little lady know, that she really floats my boat
Then one night, the boys were putting back the draught, they were plastered and making passes at her
And everything Iâd been holding inside me exploded, I finally snapped, he said
I stood up and told them off and then in the next breath, I turned to her and confessed
Youâre the most beautiful woman Iâve ever seen and Iâve been wondering
Would you marry me?
Chorus:
Then much to the boysâ surprise and well, I was certifiably tongue-tied, he said
When she threw her arms around me and said You know, the first time I laid my eyes
On you honey, I knew you were a different kind of man from all the rest
So if we can wear matching wedding dresses, then baby, Iâll say yes.
- Album:
- Tribute to Pink
- Sentimental Mood