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There's Koothrappali, Wolowitz, and Hofstadter, and Cooper
They're geniuses and physicists and whizzes with computers
Sheldon is a freak of nature, Howard rides a scooter
And everyone but Sheldon is obsessed with ladies' hooters
Sheldon is a genius and he spends his extra time enjoying
Things like quantum physics, model trains, and punking Stephen Hawking
He finds lesser human beings very disappointingâ¦
And all his friends agree he's quintessentially annoying
Leonard's just as smart as Sheldon with the added attribute
Of having normal human needs like a semi-normal hetero dude
He's nerdy and he's dorky and he can't have lactose in his food
His mother wrote a book about his every stinky poopy poo
Across the hall's a waitress who works at the Cheesecake Factory
She came here from Nebraska, she's an actress, well, a wannabe
And Leonard is in love with her though she is not a PhD
Her name's Penelope although her last name is a mystery
Sheldon cannot stand it when his girlfriend even touches him
While Raj is so damn desp'rate he makes out with his dog Cinnamon
And Amy Farrah Fowler wants a physical relationshipâ¦
And Wolowitz would do it with a chicken if it had some lips
Amy friended Penny although Penny ain't the brightest
Sheldon has the biggest brain though you could not say it's politest
The chances that he'll procreate are amongst the very slightest
Cause pigs will fly the day he tries a bit of that coitus
Howard married Bernadette and moved out of his mother's house
He's been up in orbit where he never should have been allowed
He wrote a song for Bernadette when things had started going south
He sang to her in quarantine and that's what nerdy love's about
Bernadette gets kinda crazy when she is competing
Stay out of her way if there's a chance that she'll be beaten
And while we're on the subject of the needs these nerds are needingâ¦
Sheldon throws a hissy fit if in his spot you're sitting
Sheldon Cooper 'n Amy Farrah Fowler have a contract
âBout holding hands and Valentine's and frequency of lip-contact
Someday maybe they might make it halfway to the sack
And it'll all start with a Big Bang