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[Spoken Intro]
Joining today's modern defence force is hard enough,
First you have to chose:
Navy, Airforce, Army,
Kiss Army, Salvation Army, Army of Darkness.
But even once you've chosen,
You have to make the grade.
I'm way too skinny for the army,
Way too slender for the job.
What can I do if my country doesn't want me
'Cos my talents only stretch to mini-golf?
I'm way too unco for the army,
All that running through car tyres.
I guess that would come in handy
If you invaded a country whose terrain was all car tyres.
But I'm skinny and I'm clever,
Maybe now more than ever,
The technology has caught up with me.
If wars have gone all electronic,
I could fight them with my jostick,
As long as they bring pizza to me.
Then I could be in the army.
It's not tricky to imagine,
Me in a bunker, at a screen.
Controlling reconnaissance robots,
Maybe mine detecting robots,
Even robots who run through tyres.
But I'm skinny and I'm clever,
Maybe now more than ever,
The technology has caught up with me.
If wars have gone all electronic,
I could fight them with my jostick,
While watching McLeod's Daughters on T.V.
Then I could be in the army...
I was never good at Packman,
But at Defender I'd light up the sky.
I was never good at Frogger,
It's much too much like hopping over tyres.
And if I don't get in the army,
I could become an evil mastermind.
Live in an underwater tower,
And wearing shiny skivvies all the time,
That would be fine...
I'm skinny and I'm clever,
Maybe now more than ever,
The technology has caught up with me.
(If I could make up my mind.) If wars have gone all electronic,
I could fight them with my jostick,
As long as they bring pizza to me.
Then I could be in the army.
- Album:
- Miscellaneous
- Fegh Maha
- Tripod Live - Fegh Maha
- Middleborough Rd
- For the Love of God!
- Tripod Live: Feghmaha
- For the Love of God! - A Tripod Christmas Album
- About an Hour of Song-In-An-Hour
- Box Set
- Open Slather - Special Christmas Edition
- Open Slather - Live April 2000
- About an Hour of Song in an Hour Again!
- Songs from Self Saucing
- Perfectly Good Songs
- Men of Substance
- The Animal Within Us (Caring Is Cool Presents)
- Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2001
- Tripod Versus the Dragon