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I was
Yes I was
Descending the Stiperstones
When I
Recalled the order from home
To pick up a
To pick up a
To pick up a
To pick up a
To pick up a jar of Swarfega
And so returning to the car at Snailbeach, I set off in the direction of Montgomery, where I was more than certain my need would be met by Bunner the chandler who sold everything. Entering the store, I nodded to an assistant and hurried to the back area of the shop where I could browse in comfort amongst the organised chaos, and marvel at the fact that should it be my desire, I could return home with a Ben Sayers four-iron, a brush doormat bearing the slogan âCofiwch Drywerynâ, and an oil painting by Mercy Rimell entitled âThe Raging Ostlerâ â¦in addition to the Swarfega, which I finally located on a shelf, next to a box of Hussars, who, in spite of their dusty neglect, appeared primed and ready for Old Boney. Also in this room was a selection of dollâs houses, and standing next to a particularly detailed property called the Franklin was the actress Lynette McMorrough, who used to play Glenda in Crossroads. As Iâd been a bit of a fan of the programme, I couldnât help but engage her in conversation, initially regarding the magnificent craftsmanship on show, before rather awkwardly turning the chat onto Kevinâs affair, test tube babies, and the tragic death of her dad, who was knocked down by a car whilst stumbling home drunk from a triumphant bowls tournament. The crazy world of Arthur Brownlow. Anyway, my fawning gibberish and jar of Swarfega didnât seem to faze her in any way, and she told me of her loneliness and yearning for those heady days at ATV, and in essence what she was trying to do was re-create her Glenda life through a plastic doll, and such was the stock at Bunnerâs, she had managed over the years to acquire figures resembling not only that of herself, but the rest of the family, and by purchasing the Franklin, there would be enough space for everyone and they wouldnât all be cooped up in the same room watching the one television set. âAll you need now is the car that knocked down Popâ, I joked, but to my astonishment she told me she had it on order, along with his bag of woods. Somewhat disturbed, I tried to bring the meeting to a conclusion, but she was warming to the situation, and revealed to me her ultimate intention was to replace her own dollâs plastic with tofu, as the malleability of such a substance presented the opportunity to belly herself up, as it were, when she became pregnant. In my haste to leave the store, I crashed into a Davenport, a drip-free teapot and a mannequin dressed up as Warden Hodges.
Yes I was
Descending the Stiperstones
Descending the Stiperstones
Descending the Stiperstones
A phallic watering can, a packet of Triffid seeds, an ice rink for a model village, crucifixion nails, a pair of polo-necked jeans, a jar of language pills, a jigsaw of Nazi war criminals, post-apocalyptic Allen keys, a written curse of a witch from Oswestry, a signed photograph of former playersâ agent Eric Hall â monster, monster. I fled towards the church looking for sanctuary; found only Spencer The Halfwit, sniggering the 46th Psalm.
Descending the Stiperstones
Descending the Stiperstones
Descending the Stiperstones
Descending the Stiperstones
Descending the Stiperstones
Descending the Stiperstones
Descending the Stiperstones
Descending the Stiperstones
- Album:
- New Perspective
- Urge for Offal
- 90 Bisodol (Crimond)
- Cammell Laird Social Club
- Achtung Bono
- Trouble Over Bridgwater
- Back In The D.H.S.S.
- CSI:Ambleside
- McIntyre, Treadmore And Davitt
- Some Call It Godcore
- Four Lads Who Shook The Wirral
- Voyage To The Bottom Of The Road
- This Leaden Pall
- CSI: AMBLESIDE
- Acd
- Back In The D.H.S.S. / The Trumpton Riots E.P
- Back Again in the D.H.S.S. (Extra Tracks)
- Eno Collaboration E.P.
- The Peel Sessions: 1995-08-05
- The Peel Sessions: 1997-02-02