I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs
They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say
Hey there, Mr. Muslim
Merry fuckin' Christmas
Put down that book, 'The Koran'
And hear some holiday wishes
In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus' Birthday
So get off your heathen Muslim Ass
And fuckin' celebrate
There is no holiday season
In India, I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd
They've never read a Christmas story
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that's why in December
I'll go to India and shout
Hey there, Mr. Hinduist
Merry fuckin' Christmas
Drink egg nog, and eat some beef
And pass it to the Missus
In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's Birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
And fuckin' celebrate
Now I heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several Gods
And put needles in their skin
On December twenty-fifth
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I'll go to Japan
And walk around and say
Hey there, Mr. Shintoist
Merry fuckin' Christmas
God is gonna kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum
In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do
So let's all rejoice for Jesus
And Merry fuckin' Christmas to you
On Christmas Day, I travel 'round the world and say
Taoists, Krishna's, Buddhists and all you atheists too
Merry fuckin' Christmas to you
Thank you, Mr. Hat

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